Lately, I have had this knot in my stomach. It just doesn’t want to go away. Without going into all the details, it has to do with a leaky roof and the damage from that leaky roof. Eventually we will tell the whole story, but right now we are in the middle of it and cant really talk about all the details. But I’ve noticed something about myself these past few months, it’s not always easy to be jovial. But that is life right? Our stories would be pretty boring if we went from one happy story to the next, who wants to read a story like that? No, we want to read stories about the guy who had no money, even lived under a bridge for a season but somehow he manages to pull out of that part of his story and now he is hero. He turns himself around and what he does today makes you want to cry. Redemption, mercy, forgiveness, those make great stories. Truth is though, we don’t really like being in the story, in the middle of the story where all the sad stuff happens.
The internet is kind of an interesting addition to life (especially for those of us who remember life before the internet) ;) We can easily portray “everything is all hunky-dory” see these pictures of our cute family, everyone is smiling and we just had this sweet moment we wanted to share with you. So that one post can give a sense that, wow they are doing great, their children are always happy and getting along, their house is always so clean (zoom in on that clean sink because there is garbage all over). Sweet, real life friends have asked lately with a smile, “how was your week?” I’m thinking to myself in a brief moment, do I give the Facebook response or do I actually tell them the truth that my week was really hard, that I have had a knot in my stomach that wont go away, that I’m worried about how we will fix our house, that I’m constantly worried about the health of my children, that I cant seem to get rid of this sick feeling. I pray and ask God to help me trust Him, I know in my heart He is GOOD. But knowing for someone else, or knowing in hindsight is a lot different than knowing when you are in the midst of a trial.
Don’t get me wrong, these past months and weeks have been great. So many wonderful moments, so much cuteness and so much joy. But the knot in the stomach, still is there. It’s my ever present reminder that we are just human, there are no guarantees of success in this life, no golden ticket to assure you a seat in the comfortable chair. Life has so many turns, so many unknowns. So many sorrows. So many opportunities to be bitter, or to forgive, to demand justice or show mercy, to dwell in the shadows or to choose joy.
I’m sorry if the vagueness of this post is annoying to you. ;) I guess I just needed to declare it for myself, to tell the knot in my stomach to chill out. I’ve read about His faithfulness, He’s got a pretty amazing record. His people are pretty important to Him, and He always shows up. My God is big, He kind of made the wood that our house was made out of, and He owns all the trees that will fix the problem with our house now. He’s in charge of all the pages in my story, and I trust Him. I don’t know what’s going to happen on the next page, but I know He knows and that is good enough for me.