What if…

…I’ve had so many thoughts rolling around in my heart these past few days, thinking about my grandma, thinking about her going home to be with the Lord soon, thinking about her life, about how much she is loved, about how much I know she wishes to just open her eyes and hold us all again. But she can’t. Her body is weary, she has lived a full life, I believe she is ready.

We had a wonderful time visiting with family while we went to Orting to say our goodbyes to grandma. The kids brought her their little heart necklace with their initials etched into the beads. My mom held it in front of her face and explained what it was, and she said, “mom can you open your eyes, it’s right here in front of you.” I could see her straining trying to open those heavy eyes but she couldn’t.  We had a glorious time, and if anyone has even been to a Webster gathering, there was lots of people, lots of laughing and talking, lots of kids, and like the loaves and the fish there was lots of food! At any point of the day grandma’s bedside was cluttered by 5-10 greedy hands wanting to hold hers, or stroke her beautiful silver hair. We told stories, shared memories, caught up with cousins and aunts an uncles we’ve not seen for awhile, and even though grandma is not opening her eyes she is taking it all in. When we ask if she wants us to sing something, she is still responding, “mmmm hmmm.” So we break out in four part harmony singing “Amazing Grace”, or “The Old Rugged Cross,” “There is Power in the Blood,” and lots more of her favorite hymns. But this has been going on for days, we were sadly just there for one day. And grandma, she is still hanging on, letting us all stand by her weeping our tears of mixed sorrow and joy in knowing that she will no longer be tied to this bed or this oxygen tank! Oh what a day that will be!

Wearing the necklace the kids made for her. She is resting so peacefully in this picture, and still as beautiful as ever!

I had this thought, rewind about 70 years, what if she and grandpa were not who they were. What if Grandpa was an unfaithful drunk, and grandma was a bickering nag of a wife and they begat all of us?  I know that’s an awful thought but hear me out. I’ve been thinking about why is it that it’s so hard to say goodbye to her? And why is it that even after nearly 20 years of grandpa being gone, do I still have this pain in my heart when I think about him? It’s not because they were just good people, it is the character of Christ in them, that is why we have what we have today my dear family. Not their own goodness, but love that comes only from the One who saved them from themselves, THAT is what gives us the legacy we feel today when we gather to hug, and hold one another, and sing hymns of praise around her bed.

This was the other thought that came to my mind. What will they say of me when I am in grandma’s shoes? Will they hold my hand, will they have nothing but love and joy and good memories and songs of praises to fill my room as I am preparing to meet my Lord? How will I have treated my children and grandchildren, did I lead them to the cross by my humble example or did they see a hard heart? And what about you, and us? What kind of legacy will we leave our children, our grand children and great grandchildren? Will we leave them kneeling at the foot of our Savior? I pray for us, my dear family. That in our beautiful grandmother’s going home that those of us who have lost our way will see grandma for who she was, a daughter who lived at the feet of her Savior. And that we will humbly seek Him to meet us where we are, so that we too may leave a legacy of Christ’s love for those loved ones who come after us.

 

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4 Responses to What if…

  1. Kelley says:

    Thank You~Love You and pray this will be me also!!

  2. Jeanne Herrera says:

    Beautifully said, Jenni. Your grandmother Jeans’ writing skills have certainly been passed down to you. Our Saviour will greet her with a “Welcome home, daughter. Job well done.”

  3. Jenni says:

    It will Kelley!

    Thank you Jeanne! That’s a big compliment, my grandma was a passionate writer, I’ve been very blessed by her writings lately, missing hearing her voice, bless you!

  4. Virginia says:

    Wow, Jenni! Your words brought chills first and then tears. Thank you for the challenge – that what we do/who we are now matters for generations! Blessings to you and all your family!

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