…Hopefully you have a husband like mine who will send you to coffee with yourself to take your mind off how bad of a day you had. Seriously. I knew that I needed to leave for a little while tonight, but I was not going to ask, Chris is getting a cold and I told him, “But you are getting sick you don’t want to be home by yourself with the kids tonight!” His response was very sweet, “not any sicker than you were when you were taking care of the kids all day.” And so here I am at Ristrettos, with my computer and my little Connor starting to fall asleep in his carseat (none of the other kids would have stood for that, they did NOT like their carseat!) I ordered a mocha and a chocolate raspberry scone.
Last night I was wondering why it is that we find ourselves in this situation again. A couple years ago we had a very similar situation happen to us when we were moving out of a house we were renting, and here we are again. The other day we got a very upset call from our landlady, she was upset because someone had reported that our house was not up to par, there was “rotten” food on the counter (food I was going to be taking out to the chickens, and probably a load of dirty dishes I had not yet washed by hand), and poopy diapers on the back porch(because that is where we keep them rather than in the house), and the yard is still not picked up from the flood. The only problem is that this person was not given permission to be there and let herself into our house while we were gone. Anyway, all of this to say that our landlady is expecting our house to be clean at a moment’s notice so she can show it, to either a prospective renter or buyer. Let’s be reasonable here, and at the very least, communicate your expectations of us before you are mad at us for not meeting your expectations.
Why on earth is this so hard for me? Why do I have these arguments with her, over and over in my head? Why do I want to defend myself to her so badly? It’s hard because I feel that she is being unfair. She is not seeing the many hours that I am working hard to clean HER house. She does not appreciate the fact that I plan to leave her house in better condition than we obtained it. She does not see that I have appreciated living there all these years and months, that we have loved the house and have many many wonderful memeories in her home. She doesn’t realize that her actions are tainting the ending of a very special chapter in the Burns life story. I don’t want to create and enemy, I want to bless her, I WANT her to be able to get a renter in the house right away and I understand that she is stressing about money and taking it out on us.
I think we are here again because we did not learn the lesson we needed to learn last time. It’s so hard for me to not take her accusations personal, she is in essence accusing me of being a lazy slob. I know I am not, but it doesn’t make it any easier to hear that from someone who doesn’t know me. My neighbor thought we should change the locks, but I don’t think that would help the situation any :) I’m ready to move on, and yet in a way I am sad to be closing this chapter of our book. We’ve had so many good times here, we’ve met some incredible people who have made such a profound impact on our lives. I’ve given birth to two of our children in this home. We’ve crammed four children in one bedroom that is 7′ x 7′ and have been challenged to be creative about making our small 750 square foot house work for a large family of seven. It’s been home for the last two and a half years, and even though it’s small and we are ready to move, we will always remember this place with fond memories.
So what lesson have I learned through all of this? I guess when life is not fair; cry a little, have some chocolate and pour yourself a cup of coffee, and then focus on all the things that you’ve/I’ve been blessed with. I am so thankful that we moved here, right after our house burned down, if was a place of refuge after a very frightening experience. And now we’ve endured a flood together. Through the hard times God makes us stronger as a family. Lord help me to “get it” and to find peace in You so I can lead my children in walking in peace through the storms of life. I need your grace Father, I can’t get through this next week without You. Thank you for blessing me with such a great husband who leads me in his quiet way, not pushing me be gently encouraging me to find rest in You through small things like a bar of chocolate in the van. You have given me so much Lord, I am so thankful for all of your blessings, and thankful for the trials for I know they draw me closer to You. I know they too are designed by You to strengthen us. Help us to lean on You and to not think too highly of ourselves. Please soften our landlady’s heart and help us to please You in the end. Amen.